MANY WANTS..

I am here and doing WW cause I really want to succeed this time. The lowest weight I have been in the past 10 years is 109kgs.. Before I fell pregnant with my daughter in 1998 I was about 90kgs.. I have always been overweight but looking back 90kgs is where I'd love to be again.. During my pregnancy I stacked on about 30kgs and then struggled from then on.. Here I am 10 years later wondering why I waited so long..

My weight has really weighed me down for far too long.. it has impeded on so many aspects of my life that it is ridiculous.. I don't want to be the one sitting in the corner watching anymore.. I just want to start living life..

I am the point where I really want to meet someone and settle down and have another child.. My daughter will be 10 in February.. You know the song "Be careful what you wish..you might just get it".. Since my daughter was born I would joke that she would be 10 when I have another child.. and that might just happen.. Well I hope anyways.. I feel like it is about time excitement filled my life in more ways than one...

I was with my daughter's father for almost five years.. It was more down than up.. but through it all I learned so much about myself and what I want in life and deserve.. I went through some awful experiences that I have no doubt impacted on my self-esteem and weight gain and inability to lose weight even until recent times.. We married in 2001 and separated 9 months later after I worked out he was having an affair.. I left him.. I divorced him in 2003.. I lost weight after I left him and that's when I got down to my lowest..

I started seeing a guy from early 2005-end 2006.. He weighed about 160kgs and loved his food.. I had many failed attempts at weight loss during this time and again found myself ballooning out of control.. After I left him at the end of 2006 I was 145kgs and lost about 30kgs and then gained some through a multitude of depressive moments wondering if I will ever find someone that will truly love my daughter and I.. I also went through some ups and downs meeting the wrong types of guys.. I met so many that were married that wanted a bit on the side or just after one thing.. I am an emotional being and these things along with others took their toll on my self-esteem and weight gain closely followed...