WEIGH IN & MEASURE..

Weighed in today at 111.9kgs - Lost 1.4kgs.. And 2cm - now a total of 8.1kgs & 33.5cm..

Everything was just like it was prior to Tuesday.. Will be interesting to see if anything happens on Tuesday when we are alone again..

BACK ON THE WAGON...

Fell off the wagon a few times over the weekend.. Aunt Flo arrived on Sunday and I was craving sugar big time.. December was fine, January was a little hard and this month was a shocker.. No exercise either.. Lots of rain.. And lots of excuses...LOL.. In my last post I said it was hormonal but perhaps it was really psychological... Perhaps something in my sub-conscious that was weighing me down.. After all it was Valentines Day on Saturday...

I have recently realised and admitted to myself that single life aint that bad.. I feel comfortable for the first time in a long time with the fact that I have been single for the past 2 years.. I no longer long to be in a relationship.. I have learned so many lessons over the past 12 months from men that I am not sure that realtionships are all they are cracked up to be.. What I do miss is companionship.. It is nice to have someone to spend time with, have dinner, movie, laugh.. wateva.. intimacy is also something that I miss... but something that has been confronting in the past.. a big part of decision to remove myself from the dating scene was that I wasn't haven't having any luck in that arena.. I blamed the guys... but I think that my lack of confidence was a massive factor.. So I thought that the best thing was that I removed myself from the dating scence and started enjoying the single life.. The other part of the issue was that I was attracted married/ unavailable men.. I had soooo many show interest over the past 12 months that it was becoming a joke.. a very bad joke... I wondered if it was karma... for seeking companionship/intimacy with my ex.. which I knew was a bad mistake but he was the only one at that stage that I felt comfortable with and who was willing to be me whenever I desired.. I just couldn't say no... The biggest issue apart from the emotional turmoil was that he has a partner.. He still has not admitted to me that he has one but I know that he does.. I put a stop to it in February last year.. after many times on and off for 6 years.. I knew that I couldn't do it anymore.. I needed to remove him from my life.. in that way anyway.. just have contact for our daughter's sake.. A few months after I stopped then I started attracted the unavailables.. So many temptations... I just couldn't go there.. One of them took me by surprise and kissed me and almost 9 months is desperate for more.. I just want interest from some single men.. Is that too much to ask for??..lol... I have suffered and been tested enough by the unavailables... I want to have heaps of interest as my weight decreases.. Please grant me my wish Universe...

PT wanted to weigh me yesterday... I was scared!!.. I don't want to put on weight.. I knew that it was not going to be kind to me.. as PT said "the scales don't lie" and neither do I.. I told him that I had a crap weekend and I was really surprised that he didn't kick my butt.. He just told me that it is time to re-focus... Incredibly supportive.. I am truly blessed to have him in my life.. As a good friend and PT.. He makes it all seem like so much fun.. And that's what I need.. We laugh so much.. He reminded today of my goal to lose about 4.2kgs by the end of February.. I reminded him that February is almost over and he said that I have 11 days and it is possible..

Started back teaching yesterday... quite interesting that yesterday and today I was asked if I am single.. Hmmm.. A student today told me that I look like I am single..LOL.. What does a single person look like???.. Another student told her that she shouldn't have said that and then a discussion started about appropriate statements.. I wondered whether I looked single because I am overweight... One student said I look independent.. I'll pay that!!

Here's moiye... I'm now 114.1kgs.. 30cm gonnnee... I'm shocked that I actually photoed my shoulder and uploaded it!! That's the new me! Also put it up on Facebook..lol..

Started back at work this week.. Haven't had that many people comment on the change.. Hmmm.. makes me wonder.. Did see someone that I hadn't seen for 2 years - I was about 146kgs the last time I saw her - 32kgs lighter.. yeah.. I guess I would look a bit different..

My goal for rest of the month is to lose minimum 4.2kgs.. Have 16 days to do it... Have taken up the challenge and hoping that I will achieve it... Had my day off exercise and plan today.. Almost that time of the month so had a couple of sweet things.. Didnt feel fantastic afterwards but anyways..shit happens.. all psychological.. no.. actually hormonal..

Back to Training in the morning - have already done 3 sessions this week - 2 x 1-1 sessions & 1 x Group session.. Loving the cooler weather, so much easier to exercise.. I don't mind building up a sweat but when I stand still and sweat that's not fun..

INCREASING TO 3 DAYS TRAINING...

Thought I'd drop a note here about my increase in Training. As of this week I will be doing 3 sessions a week with my Trainer.. Soooo looking forward to ramping it up.. Have to lose a minimum of a kilo a week from now on..

Was amazed today - I walked 7km in 1hr 10mins.. I cut 20mins off my time.. WOO HOO... My fitness levels are amazing.. Will be interesting to see what my level actually is.. I am doing the beep test this week which will determine where I am at..

I have noticed that my confidence is increasing.. I'm not so caught up in what other ppl think anymore.. On Friday night we went to a movie in the park and as we were looking for a spot to sit I led my daugher across the front of the crowd instead of the back as I would have in the past.. I'm not nearly as self conscious as what I have been in the past.. and loving it.. A lady was staring at me at the shops the other day.. I just stared back.. but I was wondering what she was thinking.. was it disgust as I had always thought or was she actually envious.. First time I had thought semi- positively about stares..

Will keep you posted on the ramping up.. Expecting to be sore this week.. Love it, means Im working hard!