Fell off the wagon a few times over the weekend.. Aunt Flo arrived on Sunday and I was craving sugar big time.. December was fine, January was a little hard and this month was a shocker.. No exercise either.. Lots of rain.. And lots of excuses...LOL.. In my last post I said it was hormonal but perhaps it was really psychological... Perhaps something in my sub-conscious that was weighing me down.. After all it was Valentines Day on Saturday...
I have recently realised and admitted to myself that single life aint that bad.. I feel comfortable for the first time in a long time with the fact that I have been single for the past 2 years.. I no longer long to be in a relationship.. I have learned so many lessons over the past 12 months from men that I am not sure that realtionships are all they are cracked up to be.. What I do miss is companionship.. It is nice to have someone to spend time with, have dinner, movie, laugh.. wateva.. intimacy is also something that I miss... but something that has been confronting in the past.. a big part of decision to remove myself from the dating scene was that I wasn't haven't having any luck in that arena.. I blamed the guys... but I think that my lack of confidence was a massive factor.. So I thought that the best thing was that I removed myself from the dating scence and started enjoying the single life.. The other part of the issue was that I was attracted married/ unavailable men.. I had soooo many show interest over the past 12 months that it was becoming a joke.. a very bad joke... I wondered if it was karma... for seeking companionship/intimacy with my ex.. which I knew was a bad mistake but he was the only one at that stage that I felt comfortable with and who was willing to be me whenever I desired.. I just couldn't say no... The biggest issue apart from the emotional turmoil was that he has a partner.. He still has not admitted to me that he has one but I know that he does.. I put a stop to it in February last year.. after many times on and off for 6 years.. I knew that I couldn't do it anymore.. I needed to remove him from my life.. in that way anyway.. just have contact for our daughter's sake.. A few months after I stopped then I started attracted the unavailables.. So many temptations... I just couldn't go there.. One of them took me by surprise and kissed me and almost 9 months is desperate for more.. I just want interest from some single men.. Is that too much to ask for??..lol... I have suffered and been tested enough by the unavailables... I want to have heaps of interest as my weight decreases.. Please grant me my wish Universe...
PT wanted to weigh me yesterday... I was scared!!.. I don't want to put on weight.. I knew that it was not going to be kind to me.. as PT said "the scales don't lie" and neither do I.. I told him that I had a crap weekend and I was really surprised that he didn't kick my butt.. He just told me that it is time to re-focus... Incredibly supportive.. I am truly blessed to have him in my life.. As a good friend and PT.. He makes it all seem like so much fun.. And that's what I need.. We laugh so much.. He reminded today of my goal to lose about 4.2kgs by the end of February.. I reminded him that February is almost over and he said that I have 11 days and it is possible..
Started back teaching yesterday... quite interesting that yesterday and today I was asked if I am single.. Hmmm.. A student today told me that I look like I am single..LOL.. What does a single person look like???.. Another student told her that she shouldn't have said that and then a discussion started about appropriate statements.. I wondered whether I looked single because I am overweight... One student said I look independent.. I'll pay that!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment