Chocolates & Water!

I was given a lovely gift today.. A yummy box of lindt chocolates... I thought about giving them away so that I wouldn't eat them but decided to enjoy them instead : )

The problem with having chocolate is it made me very hungry!! I think this hunger was made worse by the fact that I didn't drink enough water today.. I only had about 1.8L... Not nearly enough do I list endeavor to drink my 3.9L everyday to avoid feeling 'fake' hunger..

So I now have 1000 calories to burn... My plan was to train tonight but my belly is sore now after consuming lots of stuff!! I'm done now with the binge!! Back in track from tomorrow.. Not going to beat myself up over this! I'm only human! I am doing really well having lost 4kgs in 10 days..

Truth is I'm a bit pissed off about the whole Wayne episode.. I just want some intimacy. I just want to have a special someone.. I have waited so long for love.. My weight has held me back... But I have also sabotaged my efforts so it's been a catch 22... Now I've reached the point where I want to lose the weight and re -gain my confidence! I'm gonna JFDI!!

Wayne No More!

Well after thinking that Wayne was sick or something being the reason he hadn't responded to my msgs.. I decided to investigate whether he was back online & sure enough he is! He was online 7 hours earlier.. I messaged him & said I wished he was upfront with me about his disinterest.. Wished him well in finding the woman of his dreams.. Thanked him for the motivation to get my fitness back.. Said Goodbye & Good luck.. Then I deleted his number from my phone!!! I deserve sooooooo much more than being treated like that!! I don't want to be anyone's option.. I want to be a priority! I feel empowered!!

Wayne!

I met Wayne online in about July.. That was the 2nd time we had chatted online.. we chatted for a couple of months before he disappeared suddenly one day.. I missed him because we got on so well & I really didn't know what happened! I continued to chat to other guys & then about a month later Wayne returned.. He said that he had had enough of the online dating scene & had only returned to give me his details.. He gave me his personal & work number & 2 email addresses.. We then started corresponding by SMS & I randomly asked him if was a scout when he was younger & to my surprise he was... He was in my brothers troop & remembered going to a camp with my brother.. We both enjoyed contact.. At times he would be distant & tell me he was going thru a stressful time at work & his ex was playing games..

We decided we should meet.. We arranged for early October & then he had to go to Melbourne for work & then he went through a difficult time at work.. So the Universe answered mg prayer by delaying our meeting as I was feeling very self conscious & fat!

We ended up meeting on 10th November. I almost chickened out as I was having a very down day & also very nervous about meeting anyone at 130kgs!! He was lovely about it & said it was up to me.. We ended up meeting.. He picked me up from the front of my villa complex.. He was out of the car.. When I walked over to him he said "I don't know what you were worried about!"... Phew!! We ended up at Manly Beach.. We had fish & chips by the water ' went for a walk & had ice cream.. The whole time he was flirting big time.. I really liked him.. He was just like I expected him to be.. When we arrived back to the front of my place around 11.30 he left the headlights on & I asked if he wanted to get rid of me in a hurry & he said no.. We sat & make small talk & started touching each other on the hands.. He gave me a hand & arm massage which was awesome.... And then he kissed me... That was awesomer!!! We didn't want to leave each other.. Just after midnight I left him as my sister was looking after my kids..

The next day I messaged him in the afternoon to thank him for a good night.. I heard from him a few times that week.. He seemed ok but distant compared to the lead up when he messaged me every morning & then throughout the day..

So here I am 2 weeks later.. He hasn't asked me out again.. Just lots of jokes about seeing each other fir some fun.. haven't heard from him since Thursday..

I messaged him on Friday & no response.. I messaged him yesterday asking how he is.. No response.. I know what my next move needs to be.... Silence.. I need to play hard to get.. And see what happens..

I get soooo frustrated with men! I've lost count of the number I've met over the years.. And here I am, single!!! I know my behavior has a lot to do with it but doesn't excuse their behaviour.. Time to take charge & play this one differently as I would usually by now say goodbye & try to get in first before I get dumped in a heap.. Not playing that this time.. Psychic told me that we will be together before Christmas & that he would be distant again after we met.. a few other things he said rang true also.. His last words were "don't mess it up!".... Soooo here I am trying desperately not to mess it up!!!!

DAY 4... Workout done!!!

It's not even 6.30am & my workout is done!!!!!! Feels awesome to have it done so early... And feels awesomer after working out... I love MB's Weight Bar Workout! I can already feel my fitness improving & it's only day 4!

On Day 2 I used 3kg on either side... Today I used 5kg either side & did really well.. Looking forward to DOMS!

DAY 3..

Still going strong despite the headache that I've had for the past 2 days..

Haven't worked out today as yet.. I'm realising that workout is best done in the morning but my sleep was much needed as I had a few trips to loo overnight!!

DAY 1.... DONE!

Day 1 is done! Workout done early this morning.. Eaten according to plan all day! Cheering! Dinner was awesome!

POST DAY 1 WORKOUT PIC!

Thought I would add a post workout pic.. I plan on adding heaps of pics throughout.. Great motivation for myself & others : )

DAY 1- WORKOUT DONE!

YAY!! It's Day 1!! YAY!! My workout is done! I did Cardio Kicker & dissolved 486 calories.. WOOHOO!! It wasn't that hard after all this time!! I feel great now the workout is done!!

KICK OFF IS ALMOST HERE!!

I'm excited as 12wbt kicks off tomorrow! Looking forward to the journey.. Will be blogging my way through the next 12 weeks : )